There are several story lines emerging early this NBA Season. The Warriors might be better than they were last year. The Rockets have become a dumpster fire. The Kings can’t seem to go two months without a players-only meeting. Kobe Bryant is realllllyyyyyy bad. But none of that shit matters. The only thing that matters is a 20 year-old kid from Liepāja, Latvia named Kristaps Porzingis.
Disclaimer: There are some very bad Latvian puns in the article. I will not apologize.
Kristaps Porzingis is a put-back dunking machine who has been lighting up highlight reels since his first day in the NBA. He has arguably been one of the best players on the Knicks and has made them more fun to watch than last year’s catastrophe of a team. He is averaging 13 points, 9 rebounds, 1 steal, 2 blocks, and 1 assist per game through the first twelve games of his young NBA career. He is also dunking over everybody all the time. Watch him crash the offensive glass and absolutely decimate LaMarcus Aldridge.
Did you see the bench’s reaction? That combination of joy and surprise is beautiful. And then at the end of the video we can see the Latvitation let out a mighty roar. Its Kristaps’s world and we’re all just living in it. Now take a look at this awkward spin move on Paul Millsap that allows our boy to attack the rim.
Millsap is so fooled he almost slides out of his damn shoes. And Millsap is no defensive slouch. Staps can’t be stopped. He is on a quest to dunk all over everyone in the league. And he is doing it very efficiently, sometimes three defenders at a time.
He is un-freaking-stoppable. I don’t even know what say. Just watch in terror at how hard Three 6 Latvia dunks this ball.
At this point, you are probably saying, “Kyle, all you have showed me is dunks. This seems pretty one dimensional.” First of all, who are you to criticize the slam dunk, possibly the most exciting play in sports. Secondly I was just trying to hype you up, there are many other aspects to his game. Slam dunks are just the most fun. And finally if I show you a dream-shake-like post move will you be happy? No? Whatever, here it is.
Porzingis is not the best rookie in this class, but he is fun as hell to watch. It’s holiday season, so maybe you are tempted to spend some time with your family. I would encourage to stay away from this behavior. Your family has never completely embarrassed LaMarcus Aldridge. Not even once. And we all know your Uncle Tony, who is voting for Trump because “He isn’t afraid to say what I’m thinking,” has tried. Seriously, the dude gets dominated by Aldridge every year and still keeps trying. It’s just sad at this point, Tony. Anyway, don’t spend time with your family; instead isolate yourself and just watch some NBA basketball. More specifically, watch a 20 year-old lanky kid from Latvia try and dunk over every single player in the NBA. So kick back, throw on a sweater, grab a cup of eggnog, turn on a Knicks game and take in the beauty that is Porzingis’s season. Merry Porzingmas everybody.