College Football Opening Weekend Roundup

COLLEGE FOOTBALL IS BACK!!! I want to run and scream it from the hilltops! We as fans get to see Muschamp anger stokes, wacky offenses scoring so many points you think you might be watching basketball, and hopefully another season of Sad Urban Meyer (seriously that guy is the worst). What’s that? you want to see Sad Urban Meyer eat pizza again? Ok, but only because this picture gives me so much joy.

Sad Urban Meyer

But seriously I am so glad football is back. I think college football is so much fun to watch, just because of the sheer unpredictability. Yeah we go into it with a general idea of who is good and who is not, but by the end of the season all of our expectations have been blown out of the water. Ok, so betting on Alabama is pretty safe every year, but that’s just because Nick Saban doesn’t approve of any sort of fun–including the craziness that is college football. We might not have had a major upset this weekend, but it was still a fun weekend to be a college football fan. Lets get into it, shall we?

GIF of the Weekend

Honorable Mention: Steve Spurrier. The Head Ball Coach was not pleased with his team getting blown out by Texas A&M on Thursday night. He was so pissed off he threw his headset, producing this awesome GIF.


Honorable Mention: Jameis Winston LONG LIVE KING JAMEIS! Seriously this run is ludicrous. He breaks tackles, hurdles a guy, and jukes a couple OSU defenders and dives for the TD. This was a bright spot in a tough game against Oklahoma State. FSU is still probably the best team in the country, but it showed it was mortal on Saturday. This team still has some work to do and needs to come together as a unit if it wants to win it all this year.winstontdrunomg

Winner: Jordan Westerkamp Wow. Just wow. College football is crazy, and awesome, and fun. I rest my case.

Holy Westerkamp!

Game of the Weekend

Honorable Mention: West Virginia 23 – Alabama 33 Two years ago it looked like Alabama would no longer have rebuilding years, just reloading years. They may have only lost two games last year, but by #BAMA standards, that might as well be 6-6. So by Bama standards, letting WVU hang around all game is almost like losing. Seriously though this game was fun to watch and dispelled some of our preseason optimism about Alabama. And West Virginia might actually be pretty good this year. If nothing else this game was awesome because we got to see Nick Saban sweat a little bit on the sidelines. What’s that? Nick Saban never sweats? Even in 105+ temperatures with 100% humidity? Hmmmm give me a second while I add another note to my “Nick Saban is actually the Anti-Christ” Conspiracy Theory Board.

conspiracy wall

Honorable Mention: Wisconson 24 – LSU 28 This game was like two entirely different games into one. The first three quarters were good ole fashion home-cooked Madison beat down. Complete with Melvin Gordon going off for 140 and diving over the goal line with reckless abandon. But then Gordon went down with a hip flexor injury and did not return for the fourth quarter of the game. Meanwhile the LSU offense was struggling as Les Miles’ offenses tend to do, until Les Miles pulled a classic “Crazy Uncle Les” move and faked a punt. This galvanized the LSU offense to mount a 17 point comeback which–by LSU’s anemic offense standards–is freaking fantastic.The good news coming out of this game is that Melvin Gordon’s injury isn’t serious, so we get the privilege of watching him run over dudes all year.

Winner: FSU 37 – Oklahoma State 31 This was a great game. Oklahoma State came as 19 point underdogs. And they hung with the best team in the whole country (maybe). Mike Gundy was out on a mission to prove to us that once again he is a man, and though he may be a shade over 40 now, he can still coach the cowboys at a high level, even with less talent than usual. On the other side Jameis Winston struggled a bit, but still managed to will out a team win with plays like his TD depicted above. The Heisman winner is still a stud and is getting used to a whole new pack of receivers; it will take time for him to build chemistry and adjust to the new pieces in FSU’s offensive machine. Again this is a case where OSU was probably underrated and maybe FSU was a tad overrated *ducks and braces for death threats from #FSUTwitter*

fsu osu

Player of the week

Honorable mention: Kenny Hill, Texas A&M Kenny “Trill” as he is being called, drew a ton of Johnny Manziel comparisons on Thursday with a 511 yard and three touchdown take down of South Carolina. But lets take a moment and separate Kenny and Johnny. Johnny was the master of chaos, and he thrived in situations that were sub-optimal and made some serious magic out of what seemed to be hopeless plays. Sumlin knew he had a mad dog, all he had to do was let it off the leash. Kenny Hill is different, Sumlin has given him more direction, and expanded the playbook for him. Hill thrives in a system and that’s what Kevin Sumlin has given him. One of the only similar things is that both Hill and Manziel put up monster stats against SEC competition. He is the order to Manziel’s chaos, the yin to his yang, the light to his darkness. There is only one way this ends. With Kenny Trill and Johnny Football fighting for the fate of the universe on a galactic stage with Kevin Sumlin watching solemnly over them. This is how time, space, reality, and the universe all end. The final battle between order and chaos: Trill vs Football. Or it could just be two Texas A&M quarterbacks who have different styles of play; you can really choose your own narrative here.

TAMU universe battle

Honorable mention: Marlon Mack, USF  Marlon Mack put up 275 rushing yards and four freaking touchdowns. Mack Attack was on fire on Saturday against Western Carolina. He is so much fun to watch as well. He has pretty much everything you want in a running back, break away speed, strength like a bull, and the ability to cut like a samurai. He reads his blocks extremely well and makes very smart cuts. He also has an ability to take over a game, which is a skill we see less and less with running backs. He single-handedly willed South Florida to a close victory over Western Carolina. Marlon is a true freshman, so hopefully we’ll be able to see many more games like that on Saturday where this kid will cut, run, and power his way to several touchdowns per game and huge yards per carry numbers.

Winner: Todd Gurley, UGA Holy crap. It’s Todd Gurley’s world and we are all just living in it. 198 yards on 15 carries and 3 touchdowns. His yards per carry currently sits at 13.2. Oh, and he had a 100 yard kick return for a TD. That’s almost 300 yards and four touchdowns for those of you counting along at home. Gurley showed that he was fully back from his injury and ready to make a push for the Heisman this year. The explosiveness he lacked last year seems to be back and college football fans around the country can rejoice to see him rip off those ridiculously powerful freight-train-esque runs we have all come to appreciate, if not love. That is unless you are playing Georgia this fall. Then you should be afraid. Terrified even, because Todd Gurley won’t just rip your team apart for copious amounts of yards, HE WILL SUCK OUT THE COLLECTIVE SOUL OF YOUR TEAM WHILE HE DOES IT. TODD GURLEY TAKES NO PRISONERS ON HIS WAY TO HIS WAY TO DOMINATING COLLEGE FOOTBALL IN 2014. (This has been your overreaction of the week brought to you by Norton’s Chevrolet Dealership and Bait Shop.) Let’s enjoy Gurley’s 100 yard kick off TD, while blood pressure settles back to a normal and semi-healthy level, shall we?

gurley is king

This concludes your week one college football round up. I hope you were mildly amused at some point or another. Thank God college football is back, because we get to watch all this and more every week and more, and it will only get better as the competition improves. God bless college football, Steve Spurier, Todd Gurley, Les Miles, Kenny #Trill, Famous Jameis, Mike Gundy, Kevin Sumlin, Sad Urban Meyer, and America. Amen.

Kyle is a student at Georgia Tech and has taken it upon himself to rewrite his own bio. He has a ton of #HOTSPORTSTAKES and general sports thoughts floating around in his head. It is good that he now has this blog to express those thoughts instead of rambling about them to random strangers on the street. Kyle loves basketball and football and baseball and all other sports. His unedited articles are a grammatical nightmare for K.

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